Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
