John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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