i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
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I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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