yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you had me at cake vodka
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
