i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
