haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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