i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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