How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
