shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Randomize
