im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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