yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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