I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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