remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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