I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
