Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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