I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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