Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
