White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
