i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
