I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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