Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This is the high leading the old right now
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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