I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
