i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
