im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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