I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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