if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize