Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
