roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
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The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
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It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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