i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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