worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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