Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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