Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
