you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
