I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
