I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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