:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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