Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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