If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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