Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
