oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
