A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I will pee on everything he values.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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