I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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