Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
