The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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