I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
