Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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