I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
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