She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's blow job season.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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