Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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