Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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