Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
