just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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