lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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