Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
