epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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