he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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