You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The power of my boobs compel you
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
