if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
