I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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