2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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