Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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