I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
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"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
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Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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